"Of course he wasn't interested in me, I thought angrily...I wasn't interesting. And he was. Interesting...and brilliant...and mysterious...and perfect...and beautiful...and possibly able to life full-sized vans with one hand."
Wow, Bella-Biv-Devoe, if you weren't talking about me you'd be pretty creepy right now. Oh wait, what's that, you're not talking about me? Nevermind.
Creep.
It should be noted that this chapter ends with Eddy telling Bells specifically to stay away from him. She even describes it as a warning. Ladies, no matter how perfect looking a dude is, not matter how good he makes your legs quiver, no matter how much he makes you want to throw yourself in front of an oncoming ostrich when he's not around, if he says to you "you really should stay away from me", run away to the nearest Dairy Queen and satiate yourself with an Orio Blizzard.* It means either he will supply you with a life-time's worth of physical and/or mental abuse, or he wants to stab a hole in your neck and suck the heart-juice out of you.
This may have been the most drama and danger filled chapter for our heroin yet, as For Whom the Bella Tolls gets asked to the spring dance by just about every guy in the school, every guy not in the school, and Tony Curtis. But she turns them all down, of course, because none of them sparkle. Instead she tells them she's taking a trip to Seattle. Bella, dear, the grunge scene has been dead for over a decade and a half. And besides, that music is way too upbeat for a girl of your...moroseness. Might I suggest a trip to Gothenburg or Finland?
But fear not for our pretty, loved, privileged Bells! This is also the chapter in which Edward finally decides he's tired of doing the right thing by not dragging this innocent girl into his life full of pain, suffering, and misery, and so he asks her if she wants some company on her trip. And - since she's totally into a guy that gives her mixed signals, frustrates her, makes her scared to go to school, depresses her, makes her uncomfortable, and has the strength of an angry midget - she says yes.
Bella, I'm starting to feel about you like you feel about Edward - you make me want to hit something.
*Whilst looking up what DQ's signature dessert is, I stumbled across the Fan Club's blog. The irony of saying this is not lost on me, but is there anything more inane than a blog run by fans of Dairy Queen?
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