"Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn't get used to it, though I'd been staring at him all afternoon. His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday's hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds embedded in the surface."
Well, there's still nothing happening in Bedward land (unless you count two characters spitting platitudes back and forth to each other for chapter after chapter), so I thought I would list 30 ways to use your time rather than waste it reading Twilight.
30. Comb your hair.
29. Floss your teeth.
28. Treat a random stranger to dinner.
27. Listen to Strawberry Fields Forever backwards.
26. Listen to Strawberry Fields Forever forwards.
25. Make a sock puppet.
24. Look up the video to Deadsy's "Key to Gramercy Park" on youtube.*
23. Try on old clothes to see if they still fit.
22. Light a book of matches. One match at a time.
21. Figure out a cure for AIDS.
20. Sniff a magic marker.
19. Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
18. Go grocery shopping. For shit you already have.
17. Drink a bottle of Wild Turkey.
16. Pump your stomach.
15. Watch The King of Queens.
14. Leave Kevin James hateful voicemail messages.
13. Slide down the stairs on your stomach.
12. Call your parents.
11. Steal a baby.
10. High-five yourself.
9. If the homeless shelter already has enough volunteers, volunteer your services to someone who already has a home.
8. Comb someone else's hair.
7. Follow someone walking their dog and clean up the crap left behind.
6. Walk.
5. Go to the Saving Abel/Popevil show.*
4. See how many times you can somersault before you vomit.
3. Floss someone else's teeth.
2. Watch a Wayans brothers movie.*
1. Recite Nickleback lyrics to yourself.
*Try at your own risk.
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