Carlisle

"'What will we be playing?' I demanded. 'You will be watching,' Edward clarified. 'We will be playing baseball.' I rolled my eyes. 'Vampires like baseball?' 'I's the American pastime,' he said with mock solemnity."

In Chapter 16, Edward vomits page after page of exposition. Something to do with Carlisle swimming to France in the 1600's and finding out he could survive on animal juice and blah blah blah. Of course vampires can survive on the blood of lesser creatures, Carly. Haven't you ever watched Interview With the Vampire? Don't you remember this?



Anyway, while Edward droned on and on about shit I didn't care about but will probably come back into the story in some not-so-subtle way later in the book or series, my mind began to wander. Finally, after hovering somewhere between thinking about cutting my toenails and whether or not I should open my window to let some cool air in, my mind suddenly remembered that when I'm done with this book I'll be watching the movie. It quickly my mind grasped for something to soothe itself - anything. It's not used to being shocked like that. It finally settled on thinking about other movies featuring vampires, ones that are most likely more fun to watch than the one I'll be watching in about two weeks time. Then it just starting going over watching things that are more fun than Twilight in general. So now I present them to you.

The first one just happens to be a scene from a movie involving vampires. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Corey Haim in a bathtub.



I know. You're thinking "nothing is more fun than watching Corey Haim in a bathtub." Oh contrair.

Next, we have some kid with way to much time on his hands playing Mastodon's "Colony of Birchmen" on Expert in Rock Band 2 - and getting a perfect score.



I gotta admit, that one makes me a little tit jealous.

Finally in our little list of things that are more fun to watch than Twilight, we have a little clip from a movie I adore. The plot of Session 9 is not important. What is important is that it stars fire-crotched David Caruso. In this particular scene he's doing what David Caruso does best. No, not putting on his sunglasses at a crime scene then trying to top whatever awesome one liner he came up with last episode (the's the second best thing he does), but standing on top of an abandoned mental institution smoking what Cypress Hill used to call the "Mary/Juana." The dope is so good it makes him predict what will happen to my life if I keep reading Twilight.



Indeed, DC. Indeed.