Interrogations

"When I got downstairs, Charlie was gone again - I was running later than I'd realized. I swallowed a granola bar in three bites, chased it down with milk straight from the carton, and then hurried out the door."

Okay Bella. I can abide you being more depressed and paranoid than Hemingway. I can abide your blind obsession with a dude you hardly know who tells you to stay away from him because he's so dangerous. I can even abide your snide comments about your friends. But I cannot abide you drinking your dad's milk straight from the carton!

I mean really, that's disgusting kid. What if your dad had a cold sore you never noticed? Edward might be able to withstand a van to the fist, but are vampires any match for the HSV1 virus? Those sexy eyes, silky voice, and rock hard chest will be all for not if his lips are covered with crusty sores once every couple of months.

And c'mon, what has Charlie ever done to you to make you think you can just bogart his beverage like that? The dude bought you a truck for cryin' out loud! The least you could do is pour it into a glass like a normal human being - oh, what, you think dating the sexiest vampire in school gives you some sort of right to act all diva-ish? Even J-Lo and Whitney would scold you.

Besides, would you want him using your stuff without your permission? What if he decided to use your Yellow Ducky Mesh Bath Sponge Loofah in the shower one day? Or spritz himself with some Charlie the Unicorn Candy Mountain Perfume Spray afterwards? You know you'd pitch a fit, then go wandering into the woods to sulk a little more about how bad your life sucks even though your the envy of everyone in the school.

So think about it next time, killer. Don't just use something because it's there. Think about the consequences. Think to yourself "what if this was my milk. Would I want my dad's lips on it?" Because Bella, if your dad is drinking from that carton too, and chances are he is, you just made out with your own father. Sorry.



Oh yeah, in Chapter 10 Bella and Edward have a 20 page conversation. Again.